Mental Health

In May of 2017 I mentally broke down.

I would sit all day in my office and stare at my blank computer screen, knowing I should do something, wanting to do something, and just not being able to. Additionally, when I was alone in the building, I would lock the door to make sure nobody came in. I remember one particularly painful day where someone really wanted to get into the church, and they were banging, kicking the door, they were calling out, yelling my name, but I sat in my office panicked that I might have to interact with someone, and hoping they wouldn’t find out I was actually in the building.

This is not the natural state of mind for me, I was someone who started a church in Point Douglas and emphasized the idea that relationship was what we needed to have, in order to establish this church, and relationship had been established with many, many people…to my joy!

It took me a few weeks to take the step to talk to someone, and deal with this. I was afraid of so many things. I was afraid to look weak, I was afraid to admit that the things I was responsible to accomplish, were not being accomplished, I was afraid to admit that I needed help, and that I couldn’t do it on my own, I was afraid to show that I was weaker than I wanted to be. I WAS AFRAID!

If I had cancer, would I be afraid to admit I needed to get treatment?

My church was absolutely and stunningly supportive of me, and I was immediately granted a month off. I was diagnosed with Vicarious Trauma, which, I was told, had very similar symptoms to PTSD, it’s just that the trauma was trauma that I witnessed, not what I directly experienced. It was also suggested by my professional’s that I had compassion fatigue and burnout.

Thank the Lord, I have received good treatment for all of this, and even though it has seemed to take an eternity, I am getting back to feeling like myself. In fact, I think I am so much better! I have recognized so many things about myself over the last 1 and 1/2 years, and I have grown to be a more robust person thanks to the help of God, my family, my friends, my church, my mental health professionals and to a lot of grinding through some really hard days!

Let’s remember to talk about mental health as if it is any other kind of illness. I think this will help us to connect better as people, and to really understand one another. Let’s remove the barrier of fear, and replace it with care for one another.